


you wrote my name in marker and crossed it out

by makemelovely



Category: I'll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV Jude, POV Second Person, Pre-Book(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 19:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12019314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: Jude's mom is gone and Noah isn't next to her and the world keeps turning.





	you wrote my name in marker and crossed it out

Your fingers press into your thighs, eyes focused on the dumb painting your mom and Noah had been staring at. Your fingers drum against your legs and you feel like you are disconnected, like Noah has pulled away and the cord is pulled tight and stretching, stretching past its limits. It'll break soon and you can almost hear the snap.

You walk along the museum, sticking to the pristine walls, eyes seeking searching for the familiar eyes of your mom and the softness you can match in Noah's face. Your stomach aches in a way you aren't sure of and your purple nail polish is chipped and you'll have to paint them again soon. You still can't see your mom or your Noah but it's fine because people watching is way more fun than art watching.

People watching gets boring after twenty minutes and you still can't see your mom or your Noah so you manage to slip through the humans that are close and crowding and out the door. The car is gone.

Your heart stops but it starts again in a way you haven't felt ever. Your heart bumps against your ribs roughly once, twice. You breathe in and your stomach knots in a way that you can almost say is pleasant and your heart knocks in a friendly way against your ribs once more and everything is back to the way it should be. Except Noah is not beside you and your mom isn't standing beside Noah.

Your fingers go numb when you realize that since Noah isn't here he is with her. Which means that your mom just didn't forget her kids she forgot you and only you. The world gets dimmer after that.

You sit down on the stoop after thirty minutes and you pick at lint and you force yourself not to cry. You make up either or games but you never touch How Would You Rather Die? Noah should be here for that. You've never played without him.

It's forty five minutes since you realized they were gone and you are getting more and more creative with How Would You Rather Die? It's different without Noah but you think that it's better. Special in a way that playing games with Noah doesn't seem anymore. Your nail polish is chipped and your mom is gone and Noah is no longer yours. He is now his own. He is Noah, not yours. It doesn't even sting.

You tuck your head between your legs because the sun is so bright and your throat is so tight that it feels like you aren't breathing. That's when they pull up. Your mom is crying and Noah is grinning this secret little grin in the corners of his lips that make the sun seem so much brighter.

"I'll give you the sun." You tell him in exchange for the drawing. It doesn't even pain you. The sun has grown too bright for you.


End file.
